Suddenly I'm not alone
by March-Gilmore
Summary: TKyo. Tohru's reflexions about the year before she met the Suoma's and Kyo's feelings for her. Sweet and short one shot... hopefully I'll make a big history out of it! :


_Disclaimer:_

_I haven't written anything in AGES! I wrote this one shot about Fruits Basket, mostly because I had to write SOMETHING… Anyway, this one was hard… I can't really put myself inside Tohru's head, so it's very challenging!! And there's the fact that I haven't yet read the all story, I'm in chapter 24._

_Anyways, this is about Kyo and Tohru, how they feel for each other, and T's reflexions about the year before she met the Suoma's. Most likely to turn into a big fanfic, If I have time to write it in the vacations._

_Hope you enjoy it! _

_And I obviously don't own anything… You know, right?_

**Suddenly I'm not alone.**

I could sense it was the last falling snow: Soon, the flowers will blossom, and everything will be happier. I remember a time when I used to be afraid of the winter… Afraid of the darkness, afraid of being cold and alone. Afraid no one would notice me.

Afraid no one would love me.

I remember… That first year, after mom's death. I had to be strong. I had to keep it going. I had to pretend I would survive alone, I had decided that I would stand like a rock… still, motionless, solid. I couldn't perish, because I knew that would make her cry. The world suddenly became grey to me, an awful place… And every time I thought of Hana-chan and Uo-chan, I felt even worse… How could I have such wonderful friends and feel so alone? So… numb? Of course, in school I had to pretend everything was alright, because I knew that if I had shown any sign of weakness there, Hana and Uo would have worried more than they were already and I didn't want that to them.

I was half alive, but I felt mostly dead.

Thinking about that year that has passed, I can't think of a better word to describe it but grey… As I walked through the rock path, these memories of sadness stroke me. Sometime I wonder what would have happened if I had continued my life like this…

And, day after day, I lived this half live: It's not like I had much time to spare _thinking _anyway. I had to look after myself. Before, I kinda had to look after mom, but still… I didn't feel so alone. There was someone to go home to.

Someone to kiss me, at night.

Someone to say good morning to.

And then… Suddenly I was all alone. All this stupid feelings I didn't want to deal with… Like the horrible, disgusting guilt. Every breath I took in, every tear I cried, every little ordinary joy I felt, like when I watched the younger children run and play in school and couldn't help but smiling – I felt so guilty for breathing without her, smiling without her… And I sort of felt happy too, because I knew she would like me to smile. Even without her.

A succession of grey days passed me, all the same.

And then… They came.

I didn't want to be a part of another family, a family that wasn't _hers. _But I didn't had time to say no… When I became aware of myself, I was already a part of this strange, imperfect and magic circle. And I couldn't hide myself anymore.

I guess it was comforting to know that there were people like me in the world: People who were alone.

Oniguiris with such great plums in their backs, and they couldn't see it. They just needed someone to look at it and recognize their plums.

"Hey! Always daydreaming… you are helpless!"

" Kyo!" He was right. I was always daydreaming…

"What are you thinking about?"

"Me? Well, you know… I was thinking we are so… lucky."

It's just like you, Tohru. After what you've been through, still be able to consider yourself a lucky person… After loosing such a dear person… Still be able to trust so completely… Around you, I feel such a senseless, stupid and complete idiot.

You make me want to be a better person, even though I'm not entirely sure how.

"Hey, do you wanna play cards?"

"Sure"

Don't worry; I'll never leave your side, even if you tell me so. I'll always be here. I'll always look after you; you'll always be the dearer oniguiri to me.

I'll always love you.


End file.
